Hats Off To Larry

Hats off to Larry,
He broke your heart,
Just like you broke mine when you
Said we must part.
He told you lies, now it's
Your turn to CRY CRY CRY-Y
Now that Larry said goodbye to you.
(Music and Lyrics by Del Shannon)

Water
The ocean
Deep water
I am in
Way over
My head
I am floating
On a huge
Truck tire
Inner tube
Bobbing
Up and down
In a total
Panic
I do not
Know how to
Swim
I am six years old
And Larry
Has pulled me out
To the middle
Of nowhere
He is grinning
Maniacally
From ear to ear
Larry thinks
He is my father
He thinks
I am his son
We play our parts
We play our roles
Like actors
Like fakers
Like clowns
In the circus
Larry is trying
To make me
In his own image
He wants me
To be a man
He wants to
Toughen me up
So that I won’t be
A cry baby
A sissy boy
A mama’s boy
All the things
That I really was
So I was crying
Like a cry baby
Like a sissy boy
Like a mama’s boy
And Larry was
Laughing at me
Taunting me
Making fun of me
Mimicking me
“What’s a matta
Little sissy boy?
You afraid of
The water?
Is that it
Little cry baby?
Sissy boy
Is afraid of
The water?”
Meanwhile
I’m screaming
At the top
Of my lungs
I’m yelling
For my mother
Who is no where
Around
As usual
Who even knows
Where she is?
I sure never knew
Mom came and went
Like the wind
She was a ghost
A shadow
Even when
She was home
I was never
Really sure
If she was there
Sitting by herself
Lost in her
Own thoughts
Sad
Depressed
Lonely
Pining for
The good
Old days
When my
Father was still alive
And she did not
Have all of
The responsibilities
All of the cares
And no resources
With which
To combat
The vicissitudes
Of life
That hounded
Her ever foot step
But those days
Were long gone
My father was dead
And he was not coming back
He could not help
Her
Or me
Or anyone
Because
He was dead
And the dead
Stay dead
And they
Do not
Come back
To help
The people
That they
Have left
Behind
Despite
The many
Fairy tales
That people
Like to tell
To comfort
Themselves
And to shield
Themselves
From so many
Bitter truths
But who can
Blame them?

It is tough enough
To have to live
Through the whole
Of one's life
Without a
Shoulder
To cry on
So there I was
Yelling
For my mother
To come and
Save me

But I knew that
She would not come
I knew that she
Wasn’t there
She was never there!
Whenever I really needed
Her help
She was never there!

But I didn’t blame
Her for that
What I blamed her for
What I really did
Blame her for
Was for everything else!
I blamed her
For everything
That had ever
Gone wrong
In our lives
I blamed her for
Every Goddamned thing!

It was no wonder
That we had begun
To resent each other
It was no wonder
That she so often
Left me
To fend for myself
Unless I was with
My sister
Or with Larry
As I was today
Being dragged out
To the middle
Of the ocean
Clinging for
Dear life
To an inflated
Truck tire
Inner tube
Wondering if
I was going
To drown
Wondering if
I would ever
Make it back
To shore
Wondering if
Anyone
Would even
Notice
If I was gone
Or if I was
Missing
Or if I was
Dead
Or if I was
Still alive

jhmarkowitz
Philadelphia, Pa. 2011