Friday, May 13, 2011

First Do No Harm

I‘ve been sitting
For so long
At my desk job
Working for the City
At my good
City job
That I not only
Have a permanent crease
In my right and wrong
My doctor suspects
I have a blood clot
In my right leg
From sitting so long
Like when you sit
On a long plane trip
For hours and hours
And you develop
Deep vein thrombosis
(Try saying that fast three times)
I had to go for a Doppler exam
The sonogramologist
Was a woman
Who seemed to know
Her business
Up and down my leg
She went
Listening for blood clots
Tickling my groin
With her probes
I could hear the blood
Gurgling on the Doppler
It sounded like canned laughter
It sounded like water
Sloshing around in a jug
Gurgle, gurgle, slosh
Gurgle, gurgle, slosh
I wanted to shout
Man overboard!
I was getting seasick
For a moment
Gurgle, gurgle, slosh
And then she was done
You have a superficial
(Meaning superficial vein)
Blood clot
That needs attention
My primary doctor
Wanted to put me on
An anti-coagulant medication
But I refused
I had read the side effects
On WedMD
And the side effects were
Worse than the disease
Hey Doc!
What ever happened
To your pledge
To do no harm?
Yeah he said
You could die from this
Oh yeah?
Yeah, well, maybe I will
And maybe I won’t
I said to the Doc
So maybe
We’ll just have
To wait and see
But I am not about
To start taking
A whole new family
Of drugs that can
Basically wipe out my
Whole immune system
Just on your say so alone
I at least want
A second opinion
Well, you had better decide
Real fast
And he wrote in my
Medical file
That he had explained to me
That I could possibly get
A pulmonary embolism
From this wayward
Blood clot
And he advised me about
Taking Coumadin
(Rhymes with Paladin
Have Gun Will Travel)
And that the patient
Meaning me,
Refused to take his advice
So if the patient
Meaning me
Should happen to die
From a pulmonary embolism
Anytime in the near future
He, meaning the Doc,
Could not and should not
Be blamed
For such a possible outcome
Doc was worried first and foremost
About a possible lawsuit
For medical malpractice
So he was covering his ass
Just in case
I kick the bucket
And keel over dead
I do have an appointment
To see him in another
Four weeks
Just in case
I should I happen to survive
That long

In the meantime
I will be seeing
Yet another specialist
One of Doc’s MD cronies
And no doubt partner
In crime
And I will
Probably have to get
Yet another Doppler exam
(I bet those things cost a small fortune!)
But at least I will
Have gotten
A second opinion
As to how to proceed
By the time
I have to revisit
Primary Doc
And go another
Fifteen rounds
With him
I have to admit
That I have been feeling
Pretty punk lately
But that is hardly news
So I’m just
Going to go home
Tonight after work
Take a nice hot shower
Put on my comfy PJs
And curl up
On the couch
Next to my pet cat
And watch some HBO
Kat’s all that I have left now
Since I had to put her brother
To sleep
About two weeks ago
When I asked the vet
What it was that was
Wrong with him
He just said
It could be
Just about
So might as well
Just chalk it up to old age
Just chalk it up to old age
Just chalk it up to old age
So good bye
My dear little fella
I never dreamed
How much
Losing you
Was going to hurt

Philadelphia, Pa. 2011

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