Shaken Not Stirred

When the first shock waves of
The Great East Coast
Earthquake of 8/23/11
Arrived in Philadelphia, Pa.
Most people in my office
Claimed that they did not
Feel a thing
Others swore
That they could
See the entire building
Begin to sway
This way and
That way

Some thought the matter
Barely worth mentioning
While others described
In vivid detail
Every aspect of the event
As if they were on camera
Reporting for CNN

Fortunately for all of us
No real damage occurred
(With the exception
Of possible damage
To the National Cathedral
In Wash. DC and some
Reported damage
To the Washington Monument)

A few neighbors of mine
Also complained of cracks
Appearing on their walls and
Basement foundations
But nothing really major
Even so
By all first reports
The insurance companies
Have stated that they
Refuse to pay
Any claims for damages
On the grounds
That the earthquake
Was more or less
An Act of God
Can you believe that?

If it were up to me
I would take
All of the insurance companies
To court
And make them prove
That God actually exists

If ALLSTATE
And STATE FARM
And THE TRAVELERS
And all the rest of the
Insurance chiselers
Cannot prove
That God really exists
Beyond a reasonable doubt
Then I think
That they should all
Be forced
To pay all damages

The NEWS reported
That the quake was a 5.9
On the Richter scale
(Whatever that really means)
Perhaps they should have
A Sphincter scale instead?

It was reported that
The epicenter of the quake
Was located
In Northern Virginia
But that the shock waves
Could be felt
Hundreds of miles away

By and large
East Coast earthquakes
Are said to be rare birds
The last one was
Said to have occurred
More than100 years ago

Me?

I was sitting at my desk
(Where else?)
Minding my own business
When I felt a shimmy
Then my kishkas began to
Vibrate
At first I thought
I was having
An involuntary
Bowel movement
Was I now to become
A candidate
For Depends adult diapers
On top of all
My other infirmities?

But soon enough
I realized
Along with just about
Everyone else
That it was indeed
An earthquake
That was rattling
My cage
And shaking me
Out of my doldrums
And lethargy
If only for a brief
Moment in time

When the shaking
Finally stopped
Most everyone shuffled back
To their work stations
And went back to work
Behaving as if
Nothing much
Had happened at all

You might say
We were all a bit
Shaken
But not really
Stirred

jhmarkowitz
Philadelphia, Pa. 2011