Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Another Winterless Winter?

According to
the U.S. Weather Bureau
the coming winter of 2012
has been cancelled
until further notice
called on account of
global warming
by mother nature
(yes, another winterless winter!
just like the one we had last year!)

No amount of appeals to
pray for snow
will avail and
all of the
ski resorts and
bed and breakfast owners
who depend on
pristine blankets of
fresh fallen snow
to attract the
bushels of
winter tourist dollars
that keep hundreds
of service industry workers
off the unemployment
compensation rolls
had better find new
streams of income
(at least for what was
once known as
the usual winter season)
i.e. paintball firing ranges
mediation and yoga retreat centers
free range chicken farms?

Another winterless winter
means spring like temperatures
in mid- january and
mid february
cherry blossoms at yuletide
bears and other species
foraging in backyard trash cans
for sustenance
since hibernation cycles
will have been
prematurely aborted
flocks of duck and geese will forgo
their usual migratory flights
(why bother?)
purveyors of
snow shovels and snow blowers
and  winter outfitters
and winter clothing outlets
will see their
winter inventories
remain unsold
flies and scores of
other insects will
breed in record numbers
their life cycles
accelerated by
milder temperatures and
the rotting foliage
exposed by the melting
permafrost that doesn’t refreeze
cold and flu viruses
will flourish
with no cold weather to
check their spread
vacationers who usually
go south for the winter
will stay at home
glad to save money
on heating bills and
other seasonal expenses
(hey, I could get used to this
they will say)
while monsoons rage
in other less fortunate
parts of the world
as droughts and
forest fires and
crop failures
caused by the lack
of the usual winter runoff
will result in water shortages
and empty reservoirs
even as the melting ice caps
raise the ocean levels
swamping island nations
around the globe!

Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year!
(Honey, would you mind
switching on the AC?
It’s getting rather warm
in here!)

Philadelphia, Pa. 2012

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