Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Doctor Visit

So I go to see my MD
For a scheduled
Visit and checkup
Every time
I see this pill pusher
He puts me
One step
To the grave
This time
I was complaining
About how
My varicose veins
Were acting up
And causing me
Some swelling
And pain
Did you ever have
Phlebitis before?
He asks
Like he’s surprised
I haven’t already
Kicked the bucket
By now
No, I said,
Is that what I have?
That’s what that is.
The swelling is caused
By an edema.
You don’t say
I say.
He asks me
If it is okay
To bring in his nurse trainee
To show her what an edema
Looks and feels like
On a man of my age
I don’t mind
I say
What the heck
In comes this very
Sexy nurse
Who proceeds
To put her hot little hand
On my inner right thigh
To feel my edema
That in truth
Is hot and painful
To the touch
“Notice that it feels swollen
And hot to the touch”
Says the MD to the Nurse
“Yes Doctor I see”
Says the nurse to the MD
As she playfully
Pats my inner thigh
As my emotions begin
To stir
I kept thinking of an old
Vaudeville routine:
A woman puts her hand
Down the trousers
Of the straight man
Searching for loose change
I feel foolish she says
I feel silly she says
A little more to the left
Says the straight man
And you’ll be feeling nuts
Thank you nurse
Thank you doctor
Then the nurse
Turns to me
With a smile and says
Thank you Mr. Markowitz
And I reply
You’re very welcome
My dear
Throwing her a little wink
Come back anytime.
She winks back at me
Smiles and gently closes the door

Philadelphia, Pa. 2011

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