It took me a while to become a fan of Facebook.com. At first blush I could not figure out its value, especially the practice of the seemingly purposeless accumulation of so-called "friends". To what end? To what purpose? And doesn't this collection of stangers called friends actually trivialize true friendship? Those were my thoughts when I hesitantly dipped my big toe into the Facebook pond. I have since changed my mind. Perhaps it is the outcome of having become more familiar and more comfortable navigating the site. It has become a means of locating people from the past (even the very distant past) and resuming some contact with them, reminiscing about "old times" and catching up on each other's lives.
Several days ago I even stumbled over the site a past girl friend of mine whom I thought was lost forever to the fog of lost romance gone bad. I hesitated for a long time before I finally clicked the mouse to ask to become one of her "friends". As of the writing of this blog I have not yet heard from her in any way. That is of course the beauty of Facebook. One does not have to accept such an offer of friendship. The request can be simply ignored and everyone goes on about their own business, chaulking up the experience to nothing ventured nothing gained.
On the other hand, by resuming some semblance of contact one leaves open the possibility of new possibilities; of new adventures yet to come; of rekindling an old extinguished flame. Had I chosen not to try to contact the lady in question (let's call her X for the time being) I would have foreclosed (perhaps forever) whatever new developments (or not) that might have resulted or could have resulted as a possible outcome based on having taken such a karmic gamble. In fact, in trying not to think about X, I was in fact obsessing about her. And it was affecting my work. My writing came to a complete halt. I was totally blocked unable to focus or take the next step. I was full of "what if" scenarios, worries and doubts.
I was second guessing my every motive, cross-examining myself as if I were a suspect in a crime. What had I done to be dumped by X in the first place (we are talking some twenty five or more years ago, though I still remember with crystal clarity just about every detail of the day she walked out on me). Did I really want to stir that pot of misery again? Did I really want to dig up and relive all that past karma?
The end result of all that hemming and hawing was that I decided that it was better to forge ahead, make the friendship request and wait for the results. I have resolved to be gracious and generous, forgiving and courageous in the face of yet another rejection if such was to be the case.
As all the results are not yet in I must say that not knowing what she is thinking is somewhat unsettling. But then I felt better thinking that now the shoe was on the other foot. Let X be the one having to make all the same calculations as to whether or not to resume contact with her Ex (one of a long line I must add in the interest of full disclosure).
At least I am able to write again and the blockage has been removed. Again the flow of words can resume. I am back in my element.