End Game or Boys Will Be Boys

I can still feel
the full weight of him
sitting on my chest
pinning me to the ground
so that I could
barely move and
barely breathe

What had begun
as a game
as a contest of strength
between two school chums
had somehow escalated
into a contest of wills
and into a contest
of  brute domination

His yellow stained teeth
stretched into a
sardonic grin
as he exploited his
position of power
pinning me to the mat
like a butterfly
stuck on fly paper

I twisted and struggled
and I arched my back and
flailed my legs
trying to free myself
from being so
thoroughly humiliated
and embarrassed
and conquered
by someone
who had the sheer
physical strength
to render me
incapacitated
helpless
vulnerable
to be rendered so
utterly helpless
and at the mercy
of a stronger brute
who just wanted to
so thoroughly
embarrass and humiliate me
(this once erstwhile best friend)
that the thought that
the end result of this
mock gladiatorial battle
could mean the end
of years of budding friendship
did not matter to him

I could smell his foul breath
and feel the drops of his perspiration
hitting my face
while he laughed at me and
mocked me
for my alleged girly ways
and my alleged sissy ways
while he showed me
in no uncertain terms
what it meant
to be a  real
manly man
a 100 percent
red blooded
all American
football playing
fag hating
woman hating
motherhood and cherry pie hating
red neck loving
skin head loving
nazi loving
self- jew hating
pimply faced
fat bellied
pre-teen
miscreant and
all around
miserable excuse
for a human being

I stopped struggling
I went limp
I cried uncle
I allowed myself
to shed tears
all to no avail

I cursed my tormentor
This boy who was
my next door neighbor
and until today
my erstwhile best friend
while thoughts of revenge
played out
various scenarios
in my head
I may even have
passed out

When I came back
to my senses
he was gone
I looked down and saw
that I had soiled my pants
in more ways than one

I struggled to my feet
and dusted myself off
and I literally licked
my wounds

It was game over
and that’s all she wrote

All in all
it had not been
a very good day

jhmarkowitz
Philadelphia, Pa. 2012