Mixed Feelings About Hitler

I have very mixed feelings
As to how I feel about
Adolph Hitler
Thanks to HBO
History channel
One could be forgiven
For thinking that
Hitler is more popular today
Than ever before
I am very familiar
With his face
His features
His voice
His gestures
His pomposity
His love of uniforms
And fancy black limousines
And of course
His ridiculous
Charlie Chaplin moustache
I am told
By the historians
That Hitler
Had a rather bad case of
Flatulence
Meaning that he was given
To fits of farting
I often wondered what
His entourage had to say
About his fits of farting
Although I am sure
That Gobbels would have said
That the Fuhrer’s farts
Were all part of his master plan
For world conquest
And world domination
It must have been embarrassing
For Hitler’s entourage
To have to pretend not to smell
The Fuhrer’s farts
Perhaps they laughed at him
Behind his back
Or else they made sure
To not stand downwind
Of the Fuhrer’s sphincter
It has always been
Quite amazing to me
How such a comical
And obviously psychotic
Individual as Hitler
Could ever have seduced
One of the most civilized
Nations on Earth
To become a nation
Of Barbaric beasts
Willing to commit
Mass murder
On a global scale
Perhaps there is a little bit
Of Adolph Hitler
In all of us
A beastly side
To our otherwise
Saintly selves
Hitler was said to be fond
Of small children
Or at least he feigned
To be so in public outings
He was said to have loved
His German Shepherd dog
Named Blondie
And he was often photographed
Playing affectionately with her
A simple man
A man of the people
Who loved to play
With small children and his dog
Was this charade
Merely for public consumption
Of was there a part of him
That harbored some vestige
Of human kindness
History tells us
That Hitler was responsible
For the murder of some
Fifty million people
Including six or seven million
Jews
In the gas chambers
Of Auschwitz and Bergen- Belsen
According to the historical account
Of Hitler’s demise
We have been told
That Hitler blew his brains out
Rather than fall prisoner to
The Allied soldiers
Who were finally able
To kick in the steel door
Of his Berlin bunker
Hitler was afraid of ending up
Like his friend and ally
Benito Mussolini
Who was strung up
By his thumbs
By Italian partisans
Who captured him
While he was trying
To make good his escape
Dressed as a lowly private
Also Hitler was said to fear
Being put in a cage
And held up to public ridicule
As he most surely
Would have been
Had he not put a bullet
Into his own brain
The Russians are said
To have retrieved his skull
Which they keep
In an old shoe box
Deep inside the bowels
Of the Kremlin
It is reported that Stalin
Was especially fond
Of playing with the remains
Of Hitler’s skull
Sometimes using
The former Fuhrer’s
Cranium as an ashtray
This last bit
Of alleged historical information
May or may not
Have been true
However if it were true
It would be quite ironic
Because it is well known
That Hitler was strongly
Opposed to the smoking of
Tobacco
“It is bad for the lungs”
He would often say
When admonishing
His subordinates
For smoking cigarettes
Though evidently
He had no such
Reservations about the
Ill effects of inhaling Zyklon B
On millions of Jews
During what Hitler
Liked to call
The extermination phase
Of the Final Solution

jhmarkowitz
Philadelphia, Pa. 2011